President Gray Davis?

California newspapers recently reported that Gov. Gray Davis had now reached the lowest approval rating of any governor in the entire history of our state. That is no great surprise, since Davis is almost universally despised as an extremely distasteful lifelong politician whose policy failures are legion and whose only ideology is raising money and running for office.

But he should cheer up, since events on the other side of the world now provide a slight but distinct possibility that he may soon achieve his lifelong goal of the White House.


As we all should realize, most human beings look at events, discern patterns, and draw conclusions.

Over the last year or two, our leaders and their ideological advisors repeatedly denounced Saddam and his regime, promised to disarm and overthrow him, and eventually did so, despite enormous military appeasement on his part and vast opposition nearly everywhere in the world to our actions. When it actually came, our attack began with a sudden and unexpected series of air strikes aimed at killing Saddam, his family, and his top aides. We have conquered Iraq, overthrown and possibly killed Saddam and his leading family members, and dragged his statues through the streets.

During the same time we denounced Saddam and promised to “disarm” him, many of the same voices similarly denounced the God-Emperor of North Korea, and promised to “disarm” him as well, recently talking more explicitly about overthrowing his regime. When some people asked why we weren’t doing more about nuclear-armed North Korea instead of feeble Iraq, they were repeatedly assured that after we got rid of Saddam, North Korea would be next on our “hit” list.

I don’t know whether Kim reads the Weekly Standard or the Wall Street Journal, but I’d guess that even if not, he may have reached the same conclusion regarding our intentions. Now the “after” has arrived, and he has to decide what to do.

As it happens, Kim seems to be a crazy loon, and therefore somewhat difficult to predict. But to the extent that his mind works in a remotely normal fashion, we would expect him to draw some important conclusions by combining several data points, much like in a standard SAT or IQ test: “American rhetoric on Iraq is to American action on Iraq as American rhetoric on North Korea is to _____.”

Assuming Kim or his aides have reasonable IQs, he would assume that America very likely plans to attack North Korea, overthrow his regime, occupy his country, and drag down all his endless thousands of gigantic statues. On a tactical level, he would suspect that we would initiate our attack with a sudden decapitating air strike aimed at killing him, his family, and all his top leaders. I really can’t imagine why he wouldn’t believe this.

Now reasonably believing that someone is planning to kill you, your family, all your closest associates and friends, overthrow everything you hold dear and conquer and occupy your country would be enough to persuade sane and rational leaders to undertake preemptive counter-measures. Lunatic God-Emperors who recently starved to death 10% of their own population may or may not behave similarly.

It seems to me that the most effective means of trumping a sudden, unexpected, decapitating strike would be an even more sudden, even more unexpected, even more decapitating strike. Why wouldn’t Kim just pack up one of his handful of nukes into very thick lead shielding and just ship it to DC either as freight or perhaps via the same sort of diplomatic cover the North Koreans have generally used for their drug-smuggling? I don’t think North Korea has a DC embassy, which would obviously be ideal for this purpose, but perhaps one of their UN diplomats could take a quick trip down to DC or something, perhaps as a special “peace” envoy.

I don’t have a clue regarding the likely megatonnage of the North Korea nukes, but I suspect any one of them would make our MOABs or Saddam-bunker-busters look like tiny firecrackers. Just put it into a van, drive it to within a mile or two of the Capitol while everyone’s there arguing about tax-cuts or something, and a nice mushroom cloud will teach the Americans what a REAL decapitating strike looks like. (As I recall, if every member of the Cabinet is killed along with the Supreme Court and the top leaders in Congress, the Presidency devolves to the various governors in some sort of order, presumably with giant California at the top of the list, so we get President Gray Davis or maybe President Rod Paige if the latter was away coaching football.)

Since this is—more or less—America’s apparent military strategy for dealing with the political leadership of countries we don’t like such as Iraq and North Korea, it’s not obvious why lunatic mass-murdering God-Emperors don’t decide to play the same game, just a little more effectively. Unlike Iraq, which seems to have been laced with American agents, many of them double or triple, North Korea seems completely impermeable. Nearly all the intelligence we have seems based on things like satellite photos. No loose North Korea lips—plus a vast number of North Korea zealots eager to die for their God-Emperor—makes this strategy pretty effective in my opinion.

Now obviously if DC vanishes in a mushroom cloud just a couple of days before America’s widely-publicized “deadline” date for North Korea and likely planned decapitating strike, lots of Americans would draw the appropriate conclusion and massively retaliate. So if the North Koreans think we’re going to hit them, they’d be better off vaporizing our government well in advance, hoping that with absolutely no surviving evidence we’d be just as likely to blame bin Ladenites or other Mid Eastern Muslims. In fact, the shrewdest time for the North Koreans to strike would be during the peak of some momentary American crisis with the Muslim world.

One minor silver lining to this result would be that mobs of enraged goyim would save the costs of the rope they’d otherwise need to hang all the neo-cons in DC.


The bottom line is that one very practical reason for America not to go around killing other world leaders who are “bad” is that some of them might reasonably decide to do the same to our own, and although we have much better strike capabilities, we also have much, much softer targets.

One means of cleaning up crime is to go around shooting “bad” people, but eventually one of them might suspect he’s somewhere on your list and shoot you first. Not smart.

This entry was posted in Humor, Middle East, UnzColumn and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.